daddy's right here

'our friend is here.  she came to see all of us.  but we're not leaving.  mommy and daddy are staying.  daddy is going to be with you and you are going to stay with daddy. you're not going anywhere.  daddy is right here.'

this is the prep we give to our kids whenever we have visitors come by.  i get to about eye level, get real close, grab a hand and begin to speak.  he'll make eye contact, listen intently, and sometimes he'll become fixated on a task so as to focus his energy, fear, whatever it may be...sometimes freedom comes.  he is free to live, free to laugh and play and show off.  its amazing the difference between then and when the reassurance isn't there.

i must say i am blown away at the difference in me when i don't allow my Father's reassurance to be present in my heart and life.  things get busy, i don't stay close...maybe i try to go with those 'friends'...and because i've done my own thing, my own way and tried to find my own path on this adventure, i forget, i forget that my Father is present; always, by my side, doing all that is possible to assure me that i can be free, free to live, to laugh and love and play and maybe even show off a bit.  what kills me is when i 'try to get back' to the Almighty's side, i feel like i somehow have to earn my adoption rights; as if i had earned them in the first place, or as if it has anything to do with me.  i'm so thankful for a God that is present....

...boys, you never, ever have to earn your adoption rights, nothing you can do will ever, EEEEVER take my heart away from you, i am here, i always will be, no matter where you go, what you do, how high you climb, i will be here with you.

lets get dirty

while many may be expecting a blog on the messiness of my two boys (and they are) because of my recent posts...we aren't going that direction.  i've been thinking about a story a classmate shared during undergrad as he spoke in chapel.  he told of sharing a room with his little brother and how one day his brother got sick.  not just sniffly nose, little bits of snot, cough cough sick...talking, projectile vomit, flowing excrement, whole body sore agony type sick. believe it or not, he went into more detail.  then he shared of hearing his brother whimpering at the whole ordeal and the way he tried to help him fall asleep was to crawl out of the bed and lay down next to his brother, in all that mess, and held him.

i'm struck at the absurdity of someone who would choose to enter into another's mess.  we love to keep things and others separated. then we give it a nice name, boundaries, and say that its healthy and good.  and while, yeah, there should be some, often we place boundaries where they shouldn't be for fear of getting to dirty...or maybe its out of fear of others getting into our own.  cause lets be honest...we've all got our messiness, we've all got our dirtiness.  what keeps us from entering into one another's mess?  what prevents us from fully entering into someone's life that they become a part of our mess?

during this season, i am in awe of a God that would choose to enter into our mess...that would choose to become the least of these, a baby born in a manger, a child who's diaper needed changed...i'm in awe the it was the "Father's good pleasure for all the fullness to dwell in Him".  and i'm also reminded of our call...not mine and mandy's, but for us all...to preach as Christ preached and live as Jesus lived...to attempt to be a disciple without seeking to mirror the incarnation through the power of the Holy Spirit results not in a life that brings grace and hope, but a life that keeps us separate, that protects us from another's mess...that prevents us from truly showing the beauty and wonder of the One who came that we might have life.

lets get dirty

highlights from our first week

so the boys have been here a week, here's some highlights...

Richard's got the look...this look that says, you know i'm cute, so you know I'm going to try and get away with everything, in fact, i might be getting away with something right now and you don't even know, you are SOOO outmatched parental units...he tilts his head down and looks up with a sly smile, oh boy...

Dominick loves everything, Mandy already wrote about this on our adoption blog, but he loves everything, including:
- Richard's shoes on
- Bubbles
- Daddy getting a drink
- the dog outside

Diapers are AWESOME! whenever we change them, finding that it was only number one is like finding a dollar on the ground outside...yes...and if we find it is number two, well that dollar was attached to a string and some big bully is at the other end ready to throw a pile of number two in your face...yeah, that's about right...

skype is saving my sadness from my family not being here to meet the boys, of course, now Dominick thinks everyone on skype is Grammie, but, I guess that's ok...

bedtime is rough and beautiful at the same time, last night i got to rub Dom's head, and whisper about how much I love him and how Jesus loves him and how happy I was that Jesus brought us together...and he just looked at my eyes and drank his cup as he slowly began to fall asleep...

i love these boys. i have to be honest, this whole adoption process has brought a new dimension to my understanding of my adoption through Christ. I think I've written about this before...at any rate, to realize and believe that I have been adopted, that I have been chosen (no matter how Calvinist that sounds) has brought such a deeper love and affection from and for my God. Thank you Jesus...

advent is here

this is the first moment in a week where life is calm...the boys are sleeping, Mandy's at target, and i'm trying to figure out how/what i'm going to preach on sunday. on this black friday where the anticipation circles around whether or not you'll get one of the $179 HP laptops at Best Buy...i'm left wondering how to share in the excitement of the anticipation of the coming Christ-child and His return.

for months, mandy and i anticipated the day the adoption would take place, i never dreamed it would happen this fast. our adoption worker said she's never seen it happen this fast in ten years...nor did i dream we'd be blessed with such perfect boys. you wait and wait and wait and hope and hope and hope...and nothing we can dream of could produce the reality of what God has in store...

maranatha...